It's Been A While

It's been over a year since I've posted anything here. A lot has happened since then and yet I feel like I'm repeating the same cycle. That can't be true, though, because I've made some decisions that will change the course of my life. I'm excited about this, but it's also taken a toll on me emotionally. I guess I'll just have to tough it out and see where I end up another year from now. With that, here's some of what's been going on the past year.

I changed my major at school twice. I started the last school year as an Education major then switched at semester to just English. I thought things would go well credits-wise, but apparently not. I was told that the past four years in college have only collected two years worth of satisfaction in my major. Fantastic, right? So...

...I decided to join the Navy. I signed up at the beginning of this summer and I've got a ship-date of January 12, 2011. I did very well on my ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) - a 92! I qualified for many positions and ended up selecting the Advanced Electronics/Computer Field career. I don't know yet what sort of job I will end up having, but I figure it will be fun. I'm training in Great Lakes, IL, which means I'll be close to Chicago. Joining the Navy seems like it will be a great decision down the line, but it has led to some heartache.

Shortly before I signed my papers I started seeing a girl. We hit it off well. I really liked her and she seemed to like me too. Less than two months ago, we became full-on girlfriend/boyfriend. It was great. We got a long well. We listened to music together; we went to concerts; we had a great time. Then, she broke up with me. That was less than a week ago. She has her own issues to deal with, and I get that. She also wasn't stoked about the Navy, and I get that too. I just wish it could have worked out. I really like that girl; she's special.

Which brings me to now. I'm bummed. Hell, I'm posting on this blog, so you probably already knew that. (remember my revelations in the other posts?) It's rough. I don't want to be alone, but I can't fault a woman for saying no when I'm clearly entering a period of uncertainty. So where does that leave me? I don't know. I'm still working through this break-up and I'm waiting for my mind to clear. It'll be a while, but I know I'll be fine. Doesn't suck any less though.

I wrote in my mole-skin for the first time the other day. I'll present what I wrote here, though I can't vouch for it being worth anything:

Sitting outside

listening to my own thoughts

killing myself slowly with this cigarette in between my lips

It stops the words from coming

out of my mouth but not

the dialog inside my mind

There are cars passing by

reminding me of those times we

had driving around town listening

to our ipods, searching for a

place to have coffee and to

talk about our day

Birds mingle and chatter like

we would in bed

playful and serious all at once

yet the breeze, like a breath

separates the words of

individuals

calm and violent

damage without harm

comforting but chilling

all contained in a sigh

So there you go. To wrap this up, here's a song: