I'm Starting To Notice A Trend

Seems like I never really have the motivation to make a blog post unless I'm feeling a little depressed. I guess I have addressed that issue before, so it makes sense. And if there's any confusion about that, I've found that it's correlated with having many things on my mind and not really having any other sort of outlet for it. (read: no one to talk to, really) I mean, I know that there are quite a few of my friends that would immediately read this and rush to me and say, "I'll listen to you!! Don't worry, be happy!" That's great and all, but I don't really have the best communication skills and when pressed I stumble around on my thoughts and then I retreat to the hovel in my head. Basically, I find it incredibly difficult to articulate my emotions verbally, but for whatever reason I have no problem writing them down.

Anyway, where to begin...

I guess I'll start with the ground level and work my way up. Even as I type this I can't get a hold of my thoughts.

Spring Semester '09 is well underway. I have a damn full schedule too - 2 English classes, Statistics, American History after 1877, Adolescent Development, and a Practicum.

I don't know what the Practicum will entail yet, but I'm excited for it. I hope I don't get "addicted" to it though. This will be my first experience being on the faculty-side of a school and I don't want to like it too much. I fear I will be more anxious to be done with my own schooling than I already am - and I have over 3 years left to go! The byproduct of that could be apathy for my own education and I'll end up putting out less effort than I already fail to do.

All these classes have put a significant strain on my financial situation too. I think that's what I'm most stressed about. I have been for a while, but it seems to be getting worse - hence this blog post I guess.

I was unable to keep my position at the Nebraska Book Company that I had held since October, and worse still I heard that it'll likely be impossible to get a job there again until the summer as they laid-off about 30+ people this past week. And with my school schedule and the hours I'll have to put in for my Practicum, the idea of getting a job capable of paying for my myriad of bills is also increasingly unlikely. I'm keeping my eye out for anything promising and flexible that I could tend to at school - but who knows. I almost want to try to get my own place this summer and see how I fare. It'll be a little more expensive up-front, but I feel like in the long-run it could be cheaper - especially if I make the smart move and take out significantly more loan money next year. I just can't live and take classes without the extra money. Unless I were to live in the dorms, but that would be far more expensive considering I've discovered I'm capable of living fairly cheaply.

Ugh. I'm pretty sure that's it. Money. That's my problem. That's what's fucked my head up and has me feeling helpless and depressed. It's difficult to stick with it, that's for sure. Going back to what I was talking about earlier - I think what I need is a close friend, I mean really close - like June Carter+Johnny Cash close.

In the mean time, here's a little ditty by a band called "In Flames."